Monday, November 28, 2005

Waiting for answers to life's current most important questions

Will it snow today?

Will it snow this week?

Will it snow at all in London?

Can I play in the snow if it snows?

Will it snow at Warwick this Saturday?

Will we play in the snow if it snows at Warwick this Saturday?

How cold will it be if it snows?

Saturday, November 26, 2005

k and my lack

k says: (17:20:50)
let me be your inspiration

k says: (17:20:50)

g. says: (17:20:54)

g. says: (17:21:11)
inspire me to do what?

g. says: (17:21:16)
there're different kinds of inspiration

k says: (17:21:22)
anything you want

k says: (17:21:29)
any kind of inspiration

g. says: (17:21:30)
that's a toughie

k says: (17:21:47)
i can even inspire you to talk in points and citations

g. says: (17:22:32)
i don't wanna talk with points and citations

g. says: (17:22:37)
i wanna talk with passion and feeling

g. says: (17:22:52)
anybody who reads can talk in points and citations

g. says: (17:23:04)
but you need to be inspired to talk with passion

g. says: (17:23:15)
unless you're inspired to talk in points and citations

i'm losing it. sigh.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

from papa marx

Segui il tuo corso; e lascia dir le genti.
- Follow your own bent, and let people say what they will.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

some pictures from our hall's halloween party

Top: Olympio and the Girls
Bottom: My Neighbours Who Are Quite Mental

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

White China

So after standing in line for 1.5 hours with our feet and fingers steadily turning into ice in the early London winter, me, V and E decided to call it quits and head home.

K, on the other hand, decided to pursue the china white dream because "it's so close.. so close to the door.." and insisting that "I'm not doing something for nothing". So we left him, and trudged back to Drury Lane. V and E were flirting with each other so i guess they didn't care whether or not they were in china white or out of china white, and they later finished a bottle of wine downstairs while watching West Wing.

Me, i just wanted to go home and study for my french test and do my readings or sit in solitude and write in my journal because i'm quite tired of going out and hanging around people, and my insides are all out of equilibrium and need some realigning but i don't know where or how to start putting my house in order.

And damnit, it's so cold, too. I switched on the stove and the table lamp to generate more heat but it doesn't seem to be working and i think my heater's just being funky cos it's definitely warmer in the other rooms. Mine's officially the coldest and i can't seem to figure out why.

And now that i've read about five pages and amartya sen's mini biography online, i'm quite ready to sleep. I still haven't read for french. Maybe i'll do it tomorrow morning. Yet something tells me that I'll probably only do it an hour before class cos i don't seem to care anymore. It's terrible.

But here's something from Sen which i really like, from his book on famine: "Starvation is the characteristic of some people not having enough food to eat. It is not the characteristic of there being not enough food to eat."

Monday, November 21, 2005

China White

I have been "coerced" into going to this club, called China White.

I have a French test tomorrow and I haven't studied for it.

I have a seminar tomorrow and I haven't finish reading the stuff necessary to make intellectual comments in class.

I have to go.

S is not going.

Back to Earth

To Do:

1. Join connect group in church
2. Keep track of classes and reading lists
3. Pay attention in class and read listed material
4. Buy a highlighter
5. Make notes
6. Spend time at the library
7. Focus focus focus



i should change my sleeping habits. 10am is turning out to be too early. doesn't help too that it's so cold. really. cold.


that's what it is.

Sunday, November 20, 2005


Have you even been out on a one-to-one "date" with a person and for some weird reason or other, you have absolutely NOTHING to say?

see, i've never had that problem much before. Usually it's pretty easy making conversation.. for me at least.. but the past few days, conversations with S have really been not so hot. talk about awkward moments. lol. i think i'm getting bored.

either that, or the triple combination of him being 1, male; 2, wasp and preppy and 3, buddhist; is a mix that i can't realistically handle.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Chasing Time

Went for an ethiopian dinner with anthropology mates. Was really great cos got to mingle and get to know some of the kids in my class whom i wouldn't have find the time to get to know otherwise. Food was great too even if a little pricey. But ah well, everything here's pricey and if i were to keep thinking that way, I won't be eating at all.

Had presentation with Michael the german who basically just talked the time away while i sat beside him and looked pretty. :)

an essetial: friends. As individualistic as we'd like to be, the fact is that no man's an island. and it doesn't matter how smart or hot you are, the reality is that we need people whom we can connect with to add meaning and spice to life. And no matter how confident people look on the outside or how great their cv may be, deep down everybody's struggling with the same questions: "will this person like me? I dont know anyone. Shit shit shit shit shit."

later, I'm going shopping.

Monday, November 14, 2005


is saving my graduate student ass. :P

It's so cold. Really. Freezing. I wake up cold and hungry and even though i eat two hours before i sleep, my last thought before falling asleep is usually about how hungry and cold i am and how a steaming plate of nasi kandar would be just perfect... i had visions of nasi kunyit with tandoori chicken last night. terrible terrible. I need to put in a request for a fireplace. Or a hot warm male. hehe. not. Ahhh.. I miss Patrick. Now he would be perfect.

Coming up this week: study groups, french test tomorrow, meeting wednesday, presentation thursday, ethopian dinner with coursemates on thursday, planned dinner with F, and finally, *ehhem*: Richard II, one opera, one india talk and two jazz concerts with S throughout this week. can't wait. lol. :) i feel like a lovesick teenager writing stuff like that down here. lol. only im not lovesick, neither am i a teenager. :D

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Dear S..

So my five neighbours are talking about us. lol.

not only are they talking, they are also scheming big time to either 1. speed things up, or 2. find out what the hell is going on. hahaha. E wants to ask you point black, what's up with you and me. V wants us to spend less time together especially if we're gonna be "just friends" because according to developmental economics, our current trend is unsustainable in the long run. O suggests the three guys dress up in a black disguise, then jump on me while im with you, cos hopefully you will be all protective and rescue me and it'll be the most romantic thing ever and we can finally get on with it. lol. HAHAHHA.. it's funny.
sweet and funny.

ok so, my thing is, i'm completely great at being just friends and i guess i want it to stay that way.. cos as much as i like you, you will come at a price that i can't afford or am not willing to pay. :)

so don't take them too seriously.. no matter what their intentions may be. And maybe one day we might end up talking about "us".. or we won't ever. but whether that day comes or not, i'm not in a hurry to rush anything and i'm pretty content for things to remain as they are.. :)

but i do care about you..naturally. cos you're my friend and i generally love my friends and treat them great. :) lol. with a few exceptions of course. *grin*.



Wednesday, November 09, 2005

i am..

having the nicest time.


could not ask for more. lol.

Basta! :)

Two books came for me in the mail. The first is called "Late victorian holocausts: El Nino Famine and the Making of the Third World", which talks about draught and famine in India at the turn of the 20th century and how it was actually the fault of policy makers (ie, the British colonizers in India) who prioritized profits over people, that resulted in millions of Indians dying of hunger. Great book. Eye opener. Read it if you have the chance to.

Second book is a worn-out second-hand copy of Marianne Williamson's, "A return to love". :)

Just finished a presentation this morning and slept one hour last night as a result of hyper-procrastination on said presentation and subsequent essay due tomorrow. lol. And i'm still not done with the essay yet. But things are looking great. I know what I'm gonna write and I have it all in my head.. my fingers are just not cooperating. That, and I'm trying to decide whether to sleep, then wake up to write, or write now, then sleep. Oh but I'm going for the ballet "La Sylphide" at 7:30 later with S.. so that's another event on the agenda today.

I'm just so grateful to be here. Having great opportunities and the chance to learn different stuff, meet great people, make new friends and basically, live! Still unbelievable to me, sometimes, at how everything just falls into place, in spite of me being anal and worked up over much stuff. It's just amazing to see how God has been so faithful in just about EVERYTHING. I have, honestly truly, no complaints. lol. :) I just pray that I'll be able to build meaningful relationships with the people around me... which is going pretty well really.. i have some jolly good friends here, truly. :) (And all this in just about 1.5 months of being now that HAS to be God... and the fact that Malaysians are great cooks and our food always taste good cos everybody else's basically suck. lol.) Ok, so I have not been cooking for the whole hall.. but i must say I have pretty decent communal neighbours and we somehow gravitate towards each other especially late at night for some mini impromptu parties and funny meaningless conversation. And sometimes of course, we talk about "world affairs".. lol. My trick is to just read the Economist faithfully and recount everything it said in the previous week's edition. Hehe.

School's coming along too. I think I've gotten over initial self-doubt and am now pretty psyched to finish readings and talk about current topics in confident intelligent fashion. When in doubt, use big words to confuse everyone. lol.

I must say I do like it here A LOT, and there's no where else I'd rather be at this point in time.



love to all.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Over the weekend, I..

1. Attended "Hillsong women unplugged", featuring guest speakers Bobbie Houston and Christine Caine. It was great, even if i ended up eating tons of chocolates. I think I might be attending this church regularly after all, simply cos there are more people my age there and it's more economical - a 15-minute walk compared to a 4.70quid day travelcard. And the guys are cuter. :) lol. Oh, and delirious will be coming in two weeks to lead worship at their 6pm service. Groovy.

2. Went for guy fawkes day fireworks show with some people from my hall. Walked past st paul's cathedral (which i saw for the first time) to the millenium bridge talking with VERY cute guy from bermuda.. only to find out later that he was just recently attached with some other bermuda-ian girl whom he just met last week..Hmmph. Fireworks was pretty although i expected more than just splashes and bursts of light.. was hoping for "HAPPY GUY FAWKES DAY" or "HI GRACE" or something to be written in the air. But it was fun, even if it was cold. We then went to the oldest english pub (1667) on the Strand and finally ended the night with impromptu cheese and chocolate eating session in my neighbour O's room. Got to know my floormates even better and so that was great.

3. Went with floormates for a food fair at Covent Garden for lunch. They had a variety of gourmet cheeses, meats, liquor, bread, dips, snacks, and pies and we sampled everything that could be sampled, ate some morrocan food and a venison burger each and was quite stuffed after that.

4. Had anna from KT over for dinner on Friday night with V and we had the whole dining thing going with candlelight and wine and talked about everything and it was great cos i've not seen anna in a few weeks and she is one really interesting chick who can talk forever.

4. And now, V is rushing for an essay due today. (Overdue even as i'm writing this), i'm reading for tuesday seminar and formulating yet another essay due thursday (but i'm hoping to finish it earlier cos S and I are going for a ballet on Wednesday night) and drinking coffee and tea while nursing a sore throat. :)

And i'm still trying to understand modern world history and economic concepts. This world is too complicated. Keep it simple, I say.

Saturday, November 05, 2005


"The secret of success is to realize that the crisis on our planet is much larger than just deciding what to do with your own life, and if the system under which we live --- the structure of western civilization --- begins to collapse because of our selfishness and greed, then it will make no difference whether you have $1 million dollars when the crash comes or just $1.00. The only work that will ultimately bring any good to any of us is the work of contributing to the healing of the world. The prayer has to be, Dear God, how can I help this world through this very difficult time of transition, through this urgent crisis?"

Marianne Williamson, in an interview


I think I might be getting it after all.

Friday, November 04, 2005

and i miss..


Happy Birthday Rach!!

my sister she's 19 now. Woohoo.. one more year of teen-hood. :)

unless she's 20 and i can't count.



New Word of the Day

- "To remark or comment critically, usually with strong disapproval or censure: “a man... who animadverts on miserly patients, egocentric doctors, psychoanalysis and Lucky Luciano with evenhanded fervor” (Irwin Faust)."

Seriously, i have NEVER heard of that word before. Have you?
Tell me i'm not the only one..

Wednesday, November 02, 2005


attended a talk on chinese nationalism today that triggered a lot of emotional responses and existential questions about the whole "China-chinese-thing".

Had good run across wateloo bridge after, which does wonders for mind, body and soul.

and then had good curry. :)

and now going to sleep. will worry about reading lists tomorrow. tired.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

I think I'm in love

with my own cooking.

Really, there's nothing like cooking oneself a nice good hot meal and devouring whole said meal by oneself. *burp*


Today was a day of firsts. First french class of the year, which turned out to be pretty ok. The kids in my class are really lepak and we had a lot of laughs at each other and the whole francophile jigga-watchamanacallit-thingy. No pressure learning. I think i can handle two hours of that each week, even if it'll only serve as a distraction from the other more "serious" classes.

First time on Baker Street. Went there to participate in a decision making research exercise (another first). One hour of answering questionnaires made me richer by 20 quid. :) About time too cos I had just ran out of loose cash and was determined not to withdraw unless absolutely necessary. Also met this girl at the study who was in my earlier french class, who also (horrors) turned out to be American. I'm telling you, I feel like I'm being watched by the CIA or something. These americans.. they are EVERYWHERE. Well we took bus back together and it was fun having someone to talk to. :)

Today also, I took out my gloves cause it was way too cold for my fingers. I don't know if it's just me that's feeling the cold, or if it's really cold in general. Cos orang lain nampak macam biasa lepak aje. :P

But tomorrow.. ah.. tomorrow i get to see S.

And tomorrow evening, i start 5 weeks of dance classes. lol.

For now, it's back to the books..