Ayekha

A chronicle has it that the celebrated Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Lyady was locked up in a St. Petersburg prison after being denounced by a foe of the Hasidic movement as an agitator against the Czar.

One day the warden came to see him in his solitary cell, and this is what he said:

"I am told you are a rabbi, a Master. So explain to me a passage I fail to understand in the Bible. It says in the Book of Genesis that, after having bitten into the forbidden fruit, Adam fled, so that the Lord had to ask him: 'Ayekha, where are you?' Is it possible, even conceivable, that the Creator of the world did not know where Adam was hiding?"

Whereupon the rabbi smiled and answered: "The Lord, blessed-be-His-name, knew; it was Adam who didn't know."

And Rabbi Shneur Zalman went on: "Do you believe the Bible to be a sacred book?"

"Yes."

"And that it speaks to all mankind, of all times, therefore also to ours?"

"Yes, I believe that."

"In that case, I shall explain to you the real meaning of the question God asked of Adam. Ayekha signifies: Where do you stand in this world? What is your place in history? What have you done with your life, Adam? These are fundamental questions that every human being must confront sooner or later.

"For every one of us, the book of life goes back to Adam. It is he who embodies the mystery of the beginning. But it is to each of us that God speaks when He says Ayekha."

To write, to write about oneself, one's past, one's burden of memory, is somewhat like that: to keep alive this first question in the Bible.

- Elie Wiesel, "And the sea is never full", pg 3, 4

ahh..

A mystical experience is not a satisfying one. It is burning. It is a ride on the tail of a comet, freezing, searing - for cold can burn even more than fire. It is not psychologically satisfying to have nightside and sunside meet in a blaze of ice and fire, to understand God as utterly distant and unknowable and yet so close that the comfort of the shadow of his wings can be intimately felt. In this rare, almost unbreathable atmosphere, sunside and nighside are resolved in paradox, and the incomprehensible is yet in some measure comprehended in contradiction.

- Madeleine L'engle "The Irrational Season" p. 147

latest song

"My whole life is yours
I give it all
Surrendered to your name
And forever I will pray
Have your way
Have your way.."

Ahhhh...

Halfway there

49.8% remaining!!

time flies.

how good is god.

:)

may sky

i had a dream.. i.. stood beneath an orange sky =)

im knackered.

exams in 2.5 weeks. bit of nervous.

but all will be well.

thank god for good friends and yummy food.

should be enough for now, i reckon.

nothing compares

to the greatness of knowing You God!!

encapsulating

"here is what I wanted to tell you today... Get a life. Get a real life, not just the manic pursuit of the next degree, the next promotion, the bigger payday, the nicer car, the better house. (Do you think you would care about those things if you had a heart attack one afternoon, or if you found a lump in your breast?) Get a deep life, not just the relentless comfort of consumer goods and mass entertainments. Get a life filled with relationships, not just a collection of things and accomplishments. Or perhaps I should not say get a life, when what I really suggesting is for you to be careful to build well the one you and you alone already possess"

Bart Campolo

Snowed In

First time ever that I've been snowed in. Love the absolute still and silence as cars are not running as fast and there are no planes flying over.

It's so pretty outside too.. snow up to about 10cm now which may not seem much for some but plenty for london zone 2!

Loved the opportunity yesterday to talk about Jesus (again!) to this chick who was new to church. Also in awe of the most heart-warming, incredible, class-of-their-own legendary friends in the form of J and T who are surely undeserved gifts.

Was supposed to go to Gloucester today for an away job for five days. Instead have been told by senior and manager to not travel until it's "safe". I was asked by K to define "safe". I suppose if trains from paddington are cancelled and the tube is not running, that's unsafe enough for me!

The day feels like a cosmic gift in the form of time and wonderment. Time to not work, time to enjoy and breathe in every second of the moment, time to lie by the window and be mesmerized by the snowflakes, the wonder of seeing london all covered in fresh snow, the wonder!! Wonder!! :) (and may i add: time that could be spent cleaning and tidying my room).

i'm loving it. =)

more than life..

how can it be
that you were the one
on the cross?
lifted for all
my shame

how can it be
the scars in your hands
were for me?
you are the king
of all

day of sorts..

today heard news that a dear friend had been made redundant from her work. while this was hardly surprising given the present economic climate, it still came as a bit of a shock. just feel like its times like these that more than ever we need to be reminded of the joy of our salvation.. that we will not lose hope despite whatever or whomever comes against us.

thinking of habakkuk 3:17-18 "Though the fig tree does not blossom and there is no fruit on the vines, [though] the product of the olive fails and the fields yield no food, though the flock is cut off from the fold and there are no cattle in the stalls. Yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the [victorious] God of my salvation!"

our god is mighty to save!!

im still a bit ill.. and just a bit vulnerable on the inside.. dealing with lots of junk and last sunday at church was such a refreshing.. i love it. just love it all. love how god has been so good. love how new hope arises. love the deliberateness of just waiting on god to save. love it.

all time favourite

Hanya dekat kasihMu Bapa
Jiwaku pun tentram
Engkau menerimaku
Dengan sepenuhnya

Walau dunia melihat rupa
Namun Kau memandangku
Sampai kedalaman hatiku

Tuhan inilah yang kutahu
Kau mengenal hatiku
Jauh melebihi semua
Yang terdekat sekalipun

Tuhan inilah yang kumau
Kau menjaga hatiku
Supaya kehidupan
Memancar senantiasa

wooohooo

i passed fa, aa and tax!!! whoopeedeedooooo!!! still can't believe it.

god is so awesome.. bringing me this far.. just sticking by me and wow, his right hand has indeed upheld me.

how wonderful!!

random notes

it's been so amazing living in god's grace. just love connect group and how when a company of believers get together and just love on each other, magic happens. so so thankful for all that is in my life right now and am looking to jesus for whatever it is that lies ahead... being patient for the fulfillment of all that i'm hoping for.. ahh definitely blessed beyond logic, again and again. :)

There's something about 2 in the morning

:)

am blessed beyond belief, as always. should be in bed, really, but can't sleep. feels like monsoon weather in malaysia in london.. reminds me of childhood, funnily enough. i love living in wandsworth with the tony and gary.

Back blogging

It's 2:36 in the morning and I'm not asleep as drank too much chinese jasmine tea at wong kei's earlier. hmmmph. work tomorrow will be a challenge. :P

So, I've decided to ressurrect my old blog and write again. Quite useful as a means of keeping family and friends up to date with what's going on in moi life. I also miss writing. Also coz blogging helps me remember stuff that has happened.. not that i care about remembering everything that happened..but er.. yeah. anyway, i'm giving it another go. :)

i can't even remember why i stopped blogging.

updates: since the last post, i've got a haircut and got a job. lol. also moved to wimbledon. and that's about it, really. i've also started reading again after the phd experience turned me off books for about half a year.. ;D

what else.. oh and i found out that the disease i had (as mentioned in the last couple of posts back) was leptospirosis, which by uk standards, is a "notifiable disease", and in most cases, fatal. the miracle is that i recovered with no antibiotics.. good old body fought hard.. with a bit of divine help.

but all is well now..woohoo :D

and finally, a new song at church today that struck a chord:

Freely You gave it all for us
Surrendered Your life upon that cross
Great is the love
Poured out for all
And this is our God

Lifted on high from death to life
Forever our God is glorified
Servant and King
Rescued the world
This is our God.

yeah babbbbyy.. bring it on. :D have a good week everyone!!

oh yeah and i'll update the links later and maybe even change the layout a bit.. (or not).

newsflash

i am leaving the phd programme.

made a decision over the weekend and gave myself time to think about it. today is thursday and it is clearly the best decision ever.

no regrets.

and no turning back.

woohoooo!!!

gracey happy child. :)

mm..mmm.mmm

"So be content with who you are, and don't put on airs. God's strong hand is on you; he'll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you."
1 Peter 5

goodbye

has never been this sweeeet:)

crossroads

The LORD God is my strength,
my personal braverry,
and my invincible army;
He makes my feet like hinds' feet
And will make me to walk
(not to stand in terror, but to walk)
And make [spiritual] progress upon
My high places (of trouble, suffering or responsibility).

Habakkuk 3:19 (Amplified Bible)

***

this will be a week of some major decision making. how easy would it be should someone be around to make a decision for me. or if indeed fortune tellers exist.

ah well.

virus

had never been this sick before. am now in brett's place after he dragged me kicking and screaming from my new residence over here coz he didn't wanna leave me alone in my cabin. i didn't wanna go coz it was a long trek to his place but now im glad i did. was in the hospital on saturday and had a series of blood tests for all the usual suspects but everything came out negative. that's the good news. the not so great news is that i can only treat the symptoms, hence am popping paracetamol and ibuprofen every 4-6 hours. my liver!! other than the physical me feeling quite rollercoaster-ish.. i feel fine when the medicine takes effect and shivering and aching when the effect wears off.. like a druggie. am enjoying putney and asda though.. have a pot of chicken soup boiling in the slow cooker downstairs and a pot of fish broth with ginger on the stove..mmmm..mmm.mmmm.mmmm... brett's flatmate, dan, certainly has his kitchen well equipped. except he doesn't have sesame oil.. but that's okay too coz asda's just round the corner. other than that, all is really well. margie came over to help me pack and brought her friend the following day to help me move after hospital.. man that was a godsend, as brett and i were both knackered. he came straight from the airport off the plane from uganda to the hospital. haha. i think it's just amazing how things work out so smoothly, considering how sick i was on saturday. getting better!!