Sunday, December 31, 2006
Saturday, December 30, 2006
at the turn of 2006
So I managed to squeeze in some quality solitutde time the past one-and-half days after gail and ayu left for leicester and cardiff respectively. Set my room in (some resemblence of) order, shipped out all the accumulated dirty dishes, and got rid of all the christmas leftovers (except the chocolate). Also settled down to read, think and just reflect on god, life and where all of it is heading and to be honest, i alternate between being scared shitless and (trying to be) "steadfast, immovable, always abounding..") a lot.. especially every morning (or noon, nowdays) in trying to wake up.
it's like a 50 first dates scenario, where i wake up and feel like screaming, coz am pretty much scared and doubtful about everything.. sleep is a comfort. i wanna burrow back under the covers and get lost in my dreams where everything's easy and even if it turns out to be a nightmare, heck it's only a dream and i'll soon wake up from it.
but waking up to reality.. man.. that's a scenario that if viewed from a certain perspective, is more haunting than your scariest nightmare.
and then i play my music and i remind myself about the one truth that matters: god loves me. it's christ in me the hope of glory. god's on my side. it's gonna be okay, it will. just. breathe. and get your ass movin.
and it's all fine and i'm happy and at peace again in the comforting knowledge of amazing grace..
it's almost a daily struggle (especially lately) that it's not funny.. but i think im getting better at reducing the time between feelings of hopelessness and "let's get moving baby and feel free to change the world.."
but it also hits me throughout the day.. especially when i think (too much) about my deadlines and what's ahead next year, i get these panic attacks..
and it's like, ok god, heeellpppppp...
was browsing through some notes that i took during church about a month ago when scott wilson was in town. he was talking about how most people feel, act and then think, but how we should think, understand, get wisdom to act, and then adjust our feelings accordingly. in other words, we act our way into our feelings, instead of acting how we feel.
one of those "easy to preach, hard to do" kinda scenarios hey.. but i guess everybody goes through it and it's an act of faith to be thankful despite the overwhelming negative feelings.
besides, feelings come and go, hence proving to be a pretty shaky foundation to allow our lives to be based upon..
oooo reminds me of matt redman's song:
"every blessing you pour out
i'll turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in, god
still I will say: blessed be the name of the lord.."
anyways, i've been reading the psalms again.. really good stuff. definitely in-season. will blog more about that later.
also flew the london eye earlier today. had a ticket that was expiring on the 31st of december so after obssessing about who to give it to for days, finally decided (in typical last minute fashion) to just get my ass down there and just do it.. the last time i rode the eye was with gail, danz and edmond, but that was during the day. this time around, it was london at night and wow, it was worth the (rather short) walk and (not so) lengthy queue. :) the night was clear, i could see right up to (what i suspect is) putney, and westmister was shimmering gold.. ahhhh.. and the higher it went, the better the view became. all the usual suspects were there: st paul's, the bridges, the gherkin, hyde park, centre point, telecom towers, ben, nelson, etc.. hmm.. i can't remember if tower bridge was there.. but in any case, definitely a view to remember, tuck away, and bring to mind next time to ubat future london rindu. :)
meanwhile, there's a party tomorrow to prepare for.. and tank rides.. (yes you read correctly, TANK RIDES.. yes yes, ARMY TANK RIDES with a real Major. hehe) and people to catch up with.. and good conversation to be had, and plenty more surprises.. and so, i should sleep now..
and in case i don't get to blog before the year is over, here's wishing everyone a great year ahead.. :)
coz the best is yet to come..
and you better believe it.
:)
it's like a 50 first dates scenario, where i wake up and feel like screaming, coz am pretty much scared and doubtful about everything.. sleep is a comfort. i wanna burrow back under the covers and get lost in my dreams where everything's easy and even if it turns out to be a nightmare, heck it's only a dream and i'll soon wake up from it.
but waking up to reality.. man.. that's a scenario that if viewed from a certain perspective, is more haunting than your scariest nightmare.
and then i play my music and i remind myself about the one truth that matters: god loves me. it's christ in me the hope of glory. god's on my side. it's gonna be okay, it will. just. breathe. and get your ass movin.
and it's all fine and i'm happy and at peace again in the comforting knowledge of amazing grace..
it's almost a daily struggle (especially lately) that it's not funny.. but i think im getting better at reducing the time between feelings of hopelessness and "let's get moving baby and feel free to change the world.."
but it also hits me throughout the day.. especially when i think (too much) about my deadlines and what's ahead next year, i get these panic attacks..
and it's like, ok god, heeellpppppp...
was browsing through some notes that i took during church about a month ago when scott wilson was in town. he was talking about how most people feel, act and then think, but how we should think, understand, get wisdom to act, and then adjust our feelings accordingly. in other words, we act our way into our feelings, instead of acting how we feel.
one of those "easy to preach, hard to do" kinda scenarios hey.. but i guess everybody goes through it and it's an act of faith to be thankful despite the overwhelming negative feelings.
besides, feelings come and go, hence proving to be a pretty shaky foundation to allow our lives to be based upon..
oooo reminds me of matt redman's song:
"every blessing you pour out
i'll turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in, god
still I will say: blessed be the name of the lord.."
anyways, i've been reading the psalms again.. really good stuff. definitely in-season. will blog more about that later.
also flew the london eye earlier today. had a ticket that was expiring on the 31st of december so after obssessing about who to give it to for days, finally decided (in typical last minute fashion) to just get my ass down there and just do it.. the last time i rode the eye was with gail, danz and edmond, but that was during the day. this time around, it was london at night and wow, it was worth the (rather short) walk and (not so) lengthy queue. :) the night was clear, i could see right up to (what i suspect is) putney, and westmister was shimmering gold.. ahhhh.. and the higher it went, the better the view became. all the usual suspects were there: st paul's, the bridges, the gherkin, hyde park, centre point, telecom towers, ben, nelson, etc.. hmm.. i can't remember if tower bridge was there.. but in any case, definitely a view to remember, tuck away, and bring to mind next time to ubat future london rindu. :)
meanwhile, there's a party tomorrow to prepare for.. and tank rides.. (yes you read correctly, TANK RIDES.. yes yes, ARMY TANK RIDES with a real Major. hehe) and people to catch up with.. and good conversation to be had, and plenty more surprises.. and so, i should sleep now..
and in case i don't get to blog before the year is over, here's wishing everyone a great year ahead.. :)
coz the best is yet to come..
and you better believe it.
:)
Thursday, December 28, 2006
two books
that are currently wow-ing my mind..
Christ plays in ten thousand places, by Eugene Peterson
The ragamuffin gospel, by Brennan Manning
excerpts to follow soon!
Christ plays in ten thousand places, by Eugene Peterson
The ragamuffin gospel, by Brennan Manning
excerpts to follow soon!
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
selah
"This is the irrational season
When love blooms bright and wild
Had Mary been filled with reason
There’d have been no room for the child.."
- After Annunciation by Madeleine L’Engle
When love blooms bright and wild
Had Mary been filled with reason
There’d have been no room for the child.."
- After Annunciation by Madeleine L’Engle
Monday, December 25, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
excerpts from my brand new (old) book
"I used to think that I needed to get all my motives straightened out before I could pray, really pray. I would be in some prayer group, for example, and I would examine what I had just prayed and think to myself, "How utterly foolish and self-centered; I can't pray this way!" And so I would determine never to pray again until my motives are pure. You understand, I did not want to be a hypocrite. I knew that God is holy and righteous. I knew that prayer is no magic incantation. I knew that I must not use God for my own ends. But the practical effect of all this internal soul searching was to completely paralyse my ability to pray.
The truth of the matter is, we all come to prayer with a tangled mass of motives - altrusitic and selfish, merciful and hateful, loving and bitter. Frankly, this side of eternity we will never unravel the good from the bad, the pure from the impure. but what I have come to see is that God is big enough to receive us with all our mixture. We do not have to be bright, or pure, or filled with faith, or anything. That is what grace means, and not only are we saved my grace, we live by it as well. And we pray by it.
from Richard Foster (1992) - "Prayer: Finding the heart's true home"
***
True, whole prayer is nothing but love - St. Augustine
***
wahhaahh.. cool hey. so the biggest birthday surprise of them all was when gail turned up unexpectedly at my door and yelled "Surprise!" So yea, it gets betterrrr.. she's spending christmas here as well.. yeahhh... woohooo.. hahahaha..lol... mwahahaha.. best ever.
i think i should return to the gym!
:)
The truth of the matter is, we all come to prayer with a tangled mass of motives - altrusitic and selfish, merciful and hateful, loving and bitter. Frankly, this side of eternity we will never unravel the good from the bad, the pure from the impure. but what I have come to see is that God is big enough to receive us with all our mixture. We do not have to be bright, or pure, or filled with faith, or anything. That is what grace means, and not only are we saved my grace, we live by it as well. And we pray by it.
from Richard Foster (1992) - "Prayer: Finding the heart's true home"
***
True, whole prayer is nothing but love - St. Augustine
***
wahhaahh.. cool hey. so the biggest birthday surprise of them all was when gail turned up unexpectedly at my door and yelled "Surprise!" So yea, it gets betterrrr.. she's spending christmas here as well.. yeahhh... woohooo.. hahahaha..lol... mwahahaha.. best ever.
i think i should return to the gym!
:)
twenty-five plus one day
From: Grace Choong <*********@gmail.com> Mailed-By: gmail.com
To: Undisclosed-Recipients
Date: Dec 19, 2006 11:45 AM
Subject: happy twenty-five me!
dear family (both biological and non),
hello from london!! :)
i turn 25 today.
cool huh.
thanks for all the well-wishes (both real and imagined).. hehe. wish
you all were here coz im throwing a party tonight in my room and it'd
be great if you all could be here..
but since you can't, let me just say, that 25 is rocking, i'm thankful
to be alive and living in the most happening city in the world...
blessed in every area.. God has been so so good.. and bring on the
next 25 years, coz i think it'll only get better.. heheh..
so here's to a quarter-life celebration!
im on christmas vacation now. have a bit of a sore throat and slight
fever actually.. it has been a really really long term.. and the past
few weeks were just madness jumping from one activity to another..
but birthdays are good to slow down and have some mindless fun hey. my friend and i are going to check out the leicester square fun fair and try our best to win a huge soft toy. (huge = about 3 feet). :D (uncle peter and i went last week but was unsuccessful in our quest.)
so it's all good. :)
have a great christmas yea, even as we take time to remember the God
who came down to dwell among us..
love to all,
g.g.g.g..g.ggggrraacceee
To: Undisclosed-Recipients
Date: Dec 19, 2006 11:45 AM
Subject: happy twenty-five me!
dear family (both biological and non),
hello from london!! :)
i turn 25 today.
cool huh.
thanks for all the well-wishes (both real and imagined).. hehe. wish
you all were here coz im throwing a party tonight in my room and it'd
be great if you all could be here..
but since you can't, let me just say, that 25 is rocking, i'm thankful
to be alive and living in the most happening city in the world...
blessed in every area.. God has been so so good.. and bring on the
next 25 years, coz i think it'll only get better.. heheh..
so here's to a quarter-life celebration!
im on christmas vacation now. have a bit of a sore throat and slight
fever actually.. it has been a really really long term.. and the past
few weeks were just madness jumping from one activity to another..
but birthdays are good to slow down and have some mindless fun hey. my friend and i are going to check out the leicester square fun fair and try our best to win a huge soft toy. (huge = about 3 feet). :D (uncle peter and i went last week but was unsuccessful in our quest.)
so it's all good. :)
have a great christmas yea, even as we take time to remember the God
who came down to dwell among us..
love to all,
g.g.g.g..g.ggggrraacceee
Monday, December 18, 2006
the last day of twenty-four
thankful to be alive and extremely extremely thankful for heavenly
grace(s) and small miracles as experienced in the everyday..
:D
life gets better and sweeter each day.. what more could i say?
Monday, December 11, 2006
of many things..
skiing was too cool even though i suck at it. Can't seem to control my speed. Fell down a million times under many embarrassing circumstances but didn't break anything, thankfully. :) The mountains were gorgeous and ayu and i met whole bunch of interesting people from all over the world.. and we discovered that we rock at racing cars on playstation. haha. oh oh, french food is so yummy.. our chef gets better everyday at producing the best meals ever.. although nothing much beats shariff's nasi kandar.
flew back saturday morning straight into preparing for our church's connect group christmas party. it was quite amazing.. beautiful decorations, yummy food, and all around super atmosphere and people. We had no program but the party just assumed a life of its own.. the best part was when the people started limbo-rocking and dancing.. :) it was truly a night to remember. i love the guys in my life.. When i say jump, they ask, how high? heheheh.. it was too good to be true man.. i love my church.. if you haven't already gathered by now.. it's the best thing in london. :)
now that all the fun is over, i'm getting back to school work and sorting out priorities. oh for wisdom from above!
have quite the week coming up: uncle pete down on weds/thurs, graduation on thursday, connect group on thursday, essay deadline on friday, party on friday night in putney, possible breakfast on saturday.. and i kinda need to catch up on sleep as well. december is by far my favourite month, always.
something interesting that i read in the toilet this morning:
"For what we need to know, of course, is not just that God exists, not just that beyond the steely brightness of the stars there is a cosmic intelligence of some kind that keeps the whole show going, but that there is a God right here in the thick of our day-by-day lives who may not be writing messages about himself in the stars but in one way or another is trying to get messages through our blindness as we move around down here knee-deep in the fragrant muck and misery and marvel of the world. It is not objective proof of God's existence that we want but the experience of God's presence. That is the miracle that we are really after, and that is also, I think, the miracle that we really get." - Frederick Buechner
cool hey. :)
have a great month everyone!
flew back saturday morning straight into preparing for our church's connect group christmas party. it was quite amazing.. beautiful decorations, yummy food, and all around super atmosphere and people. We had no program but the party just assumed a life of its own.. the best part was when the people started limbo-rocking and dancing.. :) it was truly a night to remember. i love the guys in my life.. When i say jump, they ask, how high? heheheh.. it was too good to be true man.. i love my church.. if you haven't already gathered by now.. it's the best thing in london. :)
now that all the fun is over, i'm getting back to school work and sorting out priorities. oh for wisdom from above!
have quite the week coming up: uncle pete down on weds/thurs, graduation on thursday, connect group on thursday, essay deadline on friday, party on friday night in putney, possible breakfast on saturday.. and i kinda need to catch up on sleep as well. december is by far my favourite month, always.
something interesting that i read in the toilet this morning:
"For what we need to know, of course, is not just that God exists, not just that beyond the steely brightness of the stars there is a cosmic intelligence of some kind that keeps the whole show going, but that there is a God right here in the thick of our day-by-day lives who may not be writing messages about himself in the stars but in one way or another is trying to get messages through our blindness as we move around down here knee-deep in the fragrant muck and misery and marvel of the world. It is not objective proof of God's existence that we want but the experience of God's presence. That is the miracle that we are really after, and that is also, I think, the miracle that we really get." - Frederick Buechner
cool hey. :)
have a great month everyone!