Monday, June 05, 2006


so yeah.. it's past midnight and i'm trying to get to bed but i can't seem to. feels like my brain sudah tepu dengan maklumat serbaguna for exam this thursday and i just wanna fall asleep coz i can't digest anymore information but body don't seem to wanna cooperate. maybe i should go running and tire it out..

but it's past midnight!! a walk? waterloo bridge? tower bridge?:P i love the river too much..

i'm moving out of this place come the 30th. kinda sad coz i like it so much and my room's so cozy with lotsa fun memories and 'tis prime location.. hopefully news of summer job will come tomorrow so i can look for a place accordingly. if tak dapat kerje, i'm thinking of going home mid-summer.. :)

church was pretty cool today.. had groovy speaker aussie dude from sydney who spoke about faith and believing for miracles and how miracles happen when you AND god get together and he kinda makes it happen but ya gotta ask and believe and have faith. and i was just thinking about how simple it is, really, and how i can be so idiotic sometimes worrying about things i cannot change and not letting go of the past and not trusting coz perhaps i think that by me thinking and obssessing about it and obssessing could change the situation. but the rreality is that of courrse i can't change nuthin and god sez don't worry be happy and so i will do just that. hehhehh..

can't wait for exams to be over. just eight more days and counting.. then i'll be free free free as free as a birdy to go touring round london, start my new exercise regime *ehhem*, go walking everywhere, get involved in church, go sit in parks and write and read and do all sorts of fun things with summer. nowdays dawn kicks in around 4 and twilight at 9. everything looks so bright and sunny and pretty during the day. the sky is blue the sun is out it is not cold anymore and i'm superly happy except that i can't go outdoors but gotta sit indoors and admire the sky from my limited-view window coz i hafta study about industrialization strategies, the history of capitalism and albert hirschmann.. among others. i'm coming to the realization that an inherent problem here is that i don't buy it enough. as in, i read it, i understand where the writers are coming from, and i go like, yea whatever.. yet another earth-shaking theory about building states, institutions and reducing global poverty and i hope it helps the world, i really do. perhaps i'm not interested enough in global development issues.. yet on the other hand, i think i am.. otherwise i wouldn't be here. i just don't trust what i'm learning... We sometimes more than anything appear to be doing post-mortems on what did not work (based on past experiments on living communities) and studying new grand theories that appeared after tweaking the last failed grand theory. and the cases that did work, ie south korea, taiwan et al, came about not coz of foreign intervention but mostly coz they had leaders who were committed to nation building, dedicated, worked their butts off, and had more than a bit of common sense not to be dependent on the West nor buy into their prescriptions. So, so much for the white man's burden and so much for ivy-league trained neo-liberal economists with their economic models and prescriptions..

but what do i know? i'm just a girl from some kampung who thinks the best meal in the world is nasi kandar wrapped in plastic and newspaper from a kedai tepi longkang called Shariff's.

so give me 8 more days and all that will be a distant memory.. i think i will live.

but what do i really buy?

1 comment:

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