miracle

so remember how i thought i did badly for the exams

and was crying for three days after my first paper

and just couldnt function

to the point that

my sister had to come down from leicester to hold my hand

coz i thought i was gonna die

and after the exam

i just chucked all my notes

into a box

and wanted to dump it

over the waterloo bridge

into the thames

coz looking at them

was too upsetting

?

WELL GOD IS SO AWESOME AS ALWAYS COS I GOT A DISTINCTION FOR THAT HORRIBLE PAPER AND ANOTHER FOR THIS OTHER NOT AS HORRIBLE BUT KINDA TRAUMATIZING AS WELL ANTHROPOLOGY PAPER!!!

hehehhehehehehahhahahaa

i couldnt believe it when i saw the marks. i had to ask my tutor if those were really my marks and if indeed she hadn't confused them. wow. god is so awesome. this is a miracle.. wow.

...

and so we talked, fiddling about our own pcs, searching for excuses to keep going, not wanting the moment to end.. :)

so..

a bizzare five minute interview and 4 hours later, i got the email.

*newsflash*

I got the job!!

ok ok so it's a subwarden position at an lse hall of residence.. no investment banking for me, but at least this will help offset living expenses for phd next year and save me the trouble of looking for a place to stay and paying for rent.

groovy.

:)

of falangie

an old uni friend came to visit today. had not seen her in years so was quite glad to hug her hello right on long acre. felt a bit surreal but the whole year has been quite that. gail, reggie and i then went to our (gail, kavita and mine) favourite indian buffet on drummand street, which has the best fried purple cabbage ever. :D

i've been thinking, that sometimes i seem to be searching for that something to kickstart my "real life", but the truth is, the stuff that make life worth living is usually right in front of me and within my grasp.. not some mad impossibility.. but so "normal" that i often bypass it in search of the spectacular, quite ignorant that the spectacular is to be found, first and foremost, in the ordinary.. "grace is but glory begun, glory is but grace perfected." (random quote i picked up from the west wing.)

still, there is much magic yet to be found and experienced. lift up your eyes!! coz the best is yet to come, as always. :)

now reading..

the poisonwood bible, by barbara kingslayer.
this book is just rockin.

**

ok so,
my exams are over
now all that's left is the dissertation.

**

i didn't get this receptionist job that i really wanted
which is okay
cos now
i'm making plans
to go holidaying
at someplace exotic
like turkey
or egypt
or liberia
or maybe
just home.

**

ps: HURRY UP ENGLAND!!! :D

so sweet??

along kingsway, again. i dunno what it is on kingsway that inspire all this threesome hand-holding thingys..

so sweet..

i saw them while i was heading to sainsbury's along kingsway. i followed them across the road and ran ahead to take their picture. they were tottering along at 0.01mph, too busy focusing on the road and holding each other to notice me. i wonder what's their story..

woohooo

so yeah.. it's past midnight and i'm trying to get to bed but i can't seem to. feels like my brain sudah tepu dengan maklumat serbaguna for exam this thursday and i just wanna fall asleep coz i can't digest anymore information but body don't seem to wanna cooperate. maybe i should go running and tire it out..

but it's past midnight!! a walk? waterloo bridge? tower bridge?:P i love the river too much..

i'm moving out of this place come the 30th. kinda sad coz i like it so much and my room's so cozy with lotsa fun memories and 'tis prime location.. hopefully news of summer job will come tomorrow so i can look for a place accordingly. if tak dapat kerje, i'm thinking of going home mid-summer.. :)

church was pretty cool today.. had groovy speaker aussie dude from sydney who spoke about faith and believing for miracles and how miracles happen when you AND god get together and he kinda makes it happen but ya gotta ask and believe and have faith. and i was just thinking about how simple it is, really, and how i can be so idiotic sometimes worrying about things i cannot change and not letting go of the past and not trusting coz perhaps i think that by me thinking and obssessing about it and obssessing could change the situation. but the rreality is that of courrse i can't change nuthin and god sez don't worry be happy and so i will do just that. hehhehh..

can't wait for exams to be over. just eight more days and counting.. then i'll be free free free as free as a birdy to go touring round london, start my new exercise regime *ehhem*, go walking everywhere, get involved in church, go sit in parks and write and read and do all sorts of fun things with summer. nowdays dawn kicks in around 4 and twilight at 9. everything looks so bright and sunny and pretty during the day. the sky is blue the sun is out it is not cold anymore and i'm superly happy except that i can't go outdoors but gotta sit indoors and admire the sky from my limited-view window coz i hafta study about industrialization strategies, the history of capitalism and albert hirschmann.. among others. i'm coming to the realization that an inherent problem here is that i don't buy it enough. as in, i read it, i understand where the writers are coming from, and i go like, yea whatever.. yet another earth-shaking theory about building states, institutions and reducing global poverty and i hope it helps the world, i really do. perhaps i'm not interested enough in global development issues.. yet on the other hand, i think i am.. otherwise i wouldn't be here. i just don't trust what i'm learning... We sometimes more than anything appear to be doing post-mortems on what did not work (based on past experiments on living communities) and studying new grand theories that appeared after tweaking the last failed grand theory. and the cases that did work, ie south korea, taiwan et al, came about not coz of foreign intervention but mostly coz they had leaders who were committed to nation building, dedicated, worked their butts off, and had more than a bit of common sense not to be dependent on the West nor buy into their prescriptions. So, so much for the white man's burden and so much for ivy-league trained neo-liberal economists with their economic models and prescriptions..

but what do i know? i'm just a girl from some kampung who thinks the best meal in the world is nasi kandar wrapped in plastic and newspaper from a kedai tepi longkang called Shariff's.

so give me 8 more days and all that will be a distant memory.. i think i will live.

but what do i really buy?

top 10 tips for taking exams..

1. don't read more than necessary - what's on the reading list will suffice.
2. don't study the night before the exam.
3. watch a movie the night before the exam.
4. get enough sleep - 10 hours is quite ideal
5. bring food and water into the exam hall
6. bring watch.
7. don't panic
8. eat well.
9. go shopping.
10. releks..

sigh.
no biggie. just an exam. ok. breathe. enough. i wanna gohommmeeee WAIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

no actually, i just finished another exam and i wanna watch da vinci code. :D