revelation

i used to operate on this impression that i was waiting for my real life to begin.. know what i mean? like for the past years (or almost as long as i could remember), it always seemed like i was constantly dreaming of another life to start that'll be different from the life i was presently living.

i was talking to a friend today and suddenly i had this realization that this is it. my life is for real right now. this is my real life.. heheh... all that is in my hand right now is for real: church, friends, connect, warden, school.. everything. i'm no longer dreaming of another life. i'm happy here.. at this juncture where it seems like my real life is meeting my dreams.

georgie porgie

georgie porgie pudding and pie
kissed the girls and made them cry
when the boys came out to play
georgie porgie went away.

***

and everything about you still makes me smile. :)

new song in my head

new from church.. it's gonna feature in the new album i think? stay tuned!

it's a pity that lyrics on blogs alone can't convey the heart and soul of songs the way songs are supposed to be conveyed. heheh.. but it is mostly to remind me of the songs attached to certain seasons of my life, that I am writing the lyrics here. :)

**
let now the weak
say, I have strength
By the spirit of god
that raised Christ from the dead

let now the poor
stand and confess
"Oh my portion is Him
and i'm more than blessed"

Let now our hearts burn with a flame
a fire consuming all
for your son's
holy name
and with the heavens we declare
you are our king

*We love you lord
we worship you
You are our God
You alone are good

Let now your church shine as the bride
that you saw in your heart
as you offer up your life
Let now the lost be welcomed home
By the saved and redeemed
Those adopted as your own

Let now our hearts burn with a flame
a fire consuming all
for your son's
holy name
and with the heavens we declare
you are our king

*We love you lord
we worship you
You are our God
You alone are good

You asked your son
to carry this:
the heavy cross
our weight of sin

I love you lord
I worship you
hope which was lost
now stands renewed

I give my life
to honour this:
The love of Christ
Our Savior King

Rent!

525,600 minutes, 525,000 moments so dear.
525,600 minutes - how do you measure,
measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee.
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.
In 525,600 minutes - how do you
measure a year in the life?
How about love? How about love? How about love?
Measure in love. Seasons of love.

525,600 minutes! 525,000 journeys to plan. 525,600 minutes -
how can you measure
the life of a woman or man?

In truths that she learned, or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned,
or the way that she died.

It’s time now to sing out, tho the story never ends
let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends.
Remember the love! Remember the love! Remember
the love! Measure in love. Seasons of love!

"Seasons of love" from Rent (2005)

some great news

i got my passport back from home office.

my visa's extended till april 2011.

it was written as 1 APR/AVR 11 and my first reaction was.. oh no.. april the 11th? that's it?

I was looking for the "O8" number.

couldn't find it. almost panicked. and then realized that OH MY GOD IT'S APRIL 2011!!! wooohooo...
hooohhooowooohooo.. heheehhe.. like for real.

yeah.

so..

it's all good. :)

a higher calling

"Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents.
Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love.
Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant.
He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us.
Love like that.

"Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting.
Christ's love makes the church whole.
His words evoke her beauty
Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness."

Ephesians 5: 1-2; 25-28

(disclaimer: i think the last bit is not reserved to husbands only.. the model of christ-love is for all.. guys just have no excuse now. heheh)

i love how the bible paradoxically sets us a standard of living that is super-high yet incredibly simple and basic at the same time: just love. "extravagant.. giving everything of himself to us..love like that." yet how easily and often we fall short and give up on people.

i'm committed to being your friend. (**except when im busy, in a bad mood, having anxiety attacks, pissed off at the world, having pms, post-teen angst, you get the idea.. then i think it's time for you to be my friend and show some love my way.)

:)

Day of days

1. I met with my supervisor and she was happy with my progress. (This is a big deal. She hasn't been happy with my progress for a long time. I had not shown progress in a long time. My last indication of progress was finishing my Master's reasonably well).

2. I presented my research proposal to my cohort and they liked it. The questions weren't too un-unswerable. I withstood a whole solid hour-long session of question and answer. Phew.

3. I came up with a good 10-sentence critique of D's research. (This is a big deal. One of my self-imposed challenges this year is to speak up more in class).

4. I had a free dinner.

5. I am tired. And relieved. And just feel like celebrating coz last week I was quite sure I was gonna get kicked out of school this week. Like mega-relieved.

6. It's a new day tomorrow. New in every sense of the word.

7. London's freezing overnight. Just three days ago, you could happily walk out with a summer jacket. Today, I had four layers (three thick, one thin) and I felt like I could do with another layer. And I've heard rumours of snow for tomorrow.

Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:21-23

it's a gale

and the building's a rockin'.

sigh.

oh for tomorrow.

echoes

"I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time." Romans 7:18-20

i love

how the days are getting longer.

feeling just slighty bitty ill. like tired. like physically tired.

and like.. like..

ggrrr

not smiling anymore.

i stupidly left my library card home
and it's annoying me so.
of course i shouldn't let it get to me..
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ok. gggrrr.. sharks.

breathe.

i found my student oyster.

i wanna sleep.

time to go home.

...

still smilin.. :)

ahhh..

and everything about you still makes me smile.. :D

in the library

"and i still.. haven't found.. what i'm looking for.."

arghh

my right eye hurts. think been reading with lousy light too long. have to close one eye to ease the ache. feeling like a one-eyed-jack right now..

***

on a sudden-fit-of-inspiration note..

Ephesians 1: 11-12: It's in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for. Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he is working out in everything and everyone.

so yeah..

:)

resolution

get off your bum!! :D

at the turn of 2006

So I managed to squeeze in some quality solitutde time the past one-and-half days after gail and ayu left for leicester and cardiff respectively. Set my room in (some resemblence of) order, shipped out all the accumulated dirty dishes, and got rid of all the christmas leftovers (except the chocolate). Also settled down to read, think and just reflect on god, life and where all of it is heading and to be honest, i alternate between being scared shitless and (trying to be) "steadfast, immovable, always abounding..") a lot.. especially every morning (or noon, nowdays) in trying to wake up.

it's like a 50 first dates scenario, where i wake up and feel like screaming, coz am pretty much scared and doubtful about everything.. sleep is a comfort. i wanna burrow back under the covers and get lost in my dreams where everything's easy and even if it turns out to be a nightmare, heck it's only a dream and i'll soon wake up from it.

but waking up to reality.. man.. that's a scenario that if viewed from a certain perspective, is more haunting than your scariest nightmare.

and then i play my music and i remind myself about the one truth that matters: god loves me. it's christ in me the hope of glory. god's on my side. it's gonna be okay, it will. just. breathe. and get your ass movin.

and it's all fine and i'm happy and at peace again in the comforting knowledge of amazing grace..

it's almost a daily struggle (especially lately) that it's not funny.. but i think im getting better at reducing the time between feelings of hopelessness and "let's get moving baby and feel free to change the world.."

but it also hits me throughout the day.. especially when i think (too much) about my deadlines and what's ahead next year, i get these panic attacks..

and it's like, ok god, heeellpppppp...

was browsing through some notes that i took during church about a month ago when scott wilson was in town. he was talking about how most people feel, act and then think, but how we should think, understand, get wisdom to act, and then adjust our feelings accordingly. in other words, we act our way into our feelings, instead of acting how we feel.

one of those "easy to preach, hard to do" kinda scenarios hey.. but i guess everybody goes through it and it's an act of faith to be thankful despite the overwhelming negative feelings.

besides, feelings come and go, hence proving to be a pretty shaky foundation to allow our lives to be based upon..

oooo reminds me of matt redman's song:
"every blessing you pour out
i'll turn back to praise
when the darkness closes in, god
still I will say: blessed be the name of the lord.."

anyways, i've been reading the psalms again.. really good stuff. definitely in-season. will blog more about that later.

also flew the london eye earlier today. had a ticket that was expiring on the 31st of december so after obssessing about who to give it to for days, finally decided (in typical last minute fashion) to just get my ass down there and just do it.. the last time i rode the eye was with gail, danz and edmond, but that was during the day. this time around, it was london at night and wow, it was worth the (rather short) walk and (not so) lengthy queue. :) the night was clear, i could see right up to (what i suspect is) putney, and westmister was shimmering gold.. ahhhh.. and the higher it went, the better the view became. all the usual suspects were there: st paul's, the bridges, the gherkin, hyde park, centre point, telecom towers, ben, nelson, etc.. hmm.. i can't remember if tower bridge was there.. but in any case, definitely a view to remember, tuck away, and bring to mind next time to ubat future london rindu. :)

meanwhile, there's a party tomorrow to prepare for.. and tank rides.. (yes you read correctly, TANK RIDES.. yes yes, ARMY TANK RIDES with a real Major. hehe) and people to catch up with.. and good conversation to be had, and plenty more surprises.. and so, i should sleep now..

and in case i don't get to blog before the year is over, here's wishing everyone a great year ahead.. :)

coz the best is yet to come..

and you better believe it.

:)

two books

that are currently wow-ing my mind..

Christ plays in ten thousand places, by Eugene Peterson

The ragamuffin gospel, by Brennan Manning

excerpts to follow soon!

selah

"This is the irrational season
When love blooms bright and wild
Had Mary been filled with reason
There’d have been no room for the child.."

- After Annunciation by Madeleine L’Engle

merry christmas!!

much loves and such from gwaace and gwail... :D